A Story of Being Human: Love Carries You Through

We’ve been in this house for 40 years. You can’t tell now, but we’re gardeners. Everything around this whole house blooms. And we have a big vegetable garden, green beans and purple beans, cucumbers, eggplant.

Now Steve does a lot of it. He had to take over for me.

Steve does everything. He does everything that I did before.

It was January 2017, I had a stroke, and July was the second one.

It’s hard with my hand. I’m left handed, so it really messed me up.  When I first started rehab, they said I had what was called alien hand. This hand would just do things all on its own, and of course, it wasn’t the things I wanted it to do.

The feelings in this hand were gone for a while. I couldn’t tell if things were wet or dry or hot or cold. There are things I can’t do. I can’t even sign my name. I used to draw and paint and then I couldn’t even figure out how to hold a pencil or a pen. They said, “well, you can, all you have to do is practice,” but I couldn’t get this hand to figure it out. It still doesn’t do it right. 

I can’t cook or bake anymore.

He’s learned to cook. If you can read, you can cook, so he reads the cookbooks.

I enjoyed baking. Christmas cookies were my favorite. Steve did them all this year.

I don’t feel so good about him needing to do everything now, but he’s very good at it. He’s more than happy to help. He likes to think of himself as the ultimate caretaker of me. It’s his element.

He’s the eternal Boy Scout.

After my first stroke. I really turned in. I was quiet and didn’t feel like talking to people very much. After my second I was scared. Always thinking that another one was right around the corner.

When you’ve had a stroke and you’re in the hospital, everyone’s talking about you and making plans for your life, like you aren’t there. It’s always bothered me when I could tell people were talking about me.

Doctors do that. They’ll ask Steve all the questions, and he’ll do all the answering for me. That’s just who he is, he likes to talk.

But, that happens to me a lot. I have to remind them that I’m still here.

We’ve been married 46 years. We met while working at a radio station when I was married. It wasn’t until years later that we started dating. Steve said he had to work hard to get me.

“If you love each other and care about each other it’s not a struggle. It’s worth it.”

– Steve

We like to sit on the porch and listen to music. We have a few songs that we call ours.

One is God bless the Broken Road That Brought me back to you.

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

That every long lost dream led me to where you are

I think about the years I spent just passin’ through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there, you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are

Others who broke my heart, they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
And now I’m just a-rollin’ home
Into my lover’s arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

A note from NHU:

This past year in America, more than 40 million people provided unpaid care to their loved ones. While many caregivers take on this role out of love, it’s hard to ignore the emotional toll it takes on both the person being cared for and the caregiver.

There is indeed beauty in caring for those you love, and accepting this care. We only hope that someday our country will invest in holistic, long-term care policy so that we may all live our lives with dignity and compassion in the places we call home.

Senator Bob Casey (D-Pennsylvania) has been a champion for caregivers and those that need care. He has introduced multiple bills over the past few sessions of Congress to bolster the long-term care workforce and resources for families. No action has been taken on these bills.

Contact your Congress Person or call the United States Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121 and ask them to invest in our long-term care infrastructure. Inevitably, we will all be touched by this issue, as either a caregiver or the one who needs care.